Letting You in... Random Feelings Revealed.

I have had A LOT of time to myself and these interesting voices, known as my thoughts. Of course I have been reflecting on the year of 2010, and I have to say this has been one of the most emotional years in my life thus far. I've conquered and have failed many obstacles, but the one thing that I still am having the hardest thing doing is letting people into what I really feel. Its so difficult to really let people know how you feel. I was, let me rephrase that, I am still worried about the repercussions of letting people know how I feel about them, or the actions they have taken that affect me. Its hard for me to really admit that. I hate letting people in. I hate being so vulnerable. Yet I long to be in love again... My feelings are so contradicting... Its frustrating... How do I expect to be in a relationship if I don't like to let people in? I'm scared of the bad...I'm scared of the hurt...Scared to fail...Scared to disappoint... Keeping things inside Or letting them known... I feel like either way the feeling is the same. The Feeling of uncertainty... People ask me all the time... Recee, what is wrong with you? and I honestly don't know how to answer the question. I feel like my feelings in certain situations are wrong to feel. And it makes me keep them hidden. I judge the feeling before they can even be expressed. I don't know how to stop... I really feel like I'm going to drive myself insane.... I know I have to stop, but how to stop is so Fuckin hard... I have so many thoughts going through my head and all I can do is think about is how they come off to other people.... Like now. I'm typing and going back and deleting stuff because I don't want to offend people, or people read and talk bad about me. I should just let the thoughts go and not care what people have to say, but i can't. I care too much. Even though I know people don't care that much.... I just don't want to be misunderstood... And I feel like I will be. I don't want confrontation, so I do what I do all the time... I say something and if they person decides to react, I let them and won't say anything, even when I have valid points into why I feel the way I do. But that won't matter because I am Afraid of confrontation. I'm afraid to fight.... Ugh... I feel like no one understands how I feel. Everyone seems to have an answer but doesn't look at the problem thoroughly enough to give a helpful answer...