Letting You in... Random Feelings Revealed.

I have had A LOT of time to myself and these interesting voices, known as my thoughts. Of course I have been reflecting on the year of 2010, and I have to say this has been one of the most emotional years in my life thus far. I've conquered and have failed many obstacles, but the one thing that I still am having the hardest thing doing is letting people into what I really feel. Its so difficult to really let people know how you feel. I was, let me rephrase that, I am still worried about the repercussions of letting people know how I feel about them, or the actions they have taken that affect me. Its hard for me to really admit that. I hate letting people in. I hate being so vulnerable. Yet I long to be in love again... My feelings are so contradicting... Its frustrating... How do I expect to be in a relationship if I don't like to let people in? I'm scared of the bad...I'm scared of the hurt...Scared to fail...Scared to disappoint... Keeping things inside Or letting them known... I feel like either way the feeling is the same. The Feeling of uncertainty... People ask me all the time... Recee, what is wrong with you? and I honestly don't know how to answer the question. I feel like my feelings in certain situations are wrong to feel. And it makes me keep them hidden. I judge the feeling before they can even be expressed. I don't know how to stop... I really feel like I'm going to drive myself insane.... I know I have to stop, but how to stop is so Fuckin hard... I have so many thoughts going through my head and all I can do is think about is how they come off to other people.... Like now. I'm typing and going back and deleting stuff because I don't want to offend people, or people read and talk bad about me. I should just let the thoughts go and not care what people have to say, but i can't. I care too much. Even though I know people don't care that much.... I just don't want to be misunderstood... And I feel like I will be. I don't want confrontation, so I do what I do all the time... I say something and if they person decides to react, I let them and won't say anything, even when I have valid points into why I feel the way I do. But that won't matter because I am Afraid of confrontation. I'm afraid to fight.... Ugh... I feel like no one understands how I feel. Everyone seems to have an answer but doesn't look at the problem thoroughly enough to give a helpful answer...

Untitled...

“We need in love to practice only this: letting each other go. For holding on comes easily–we do not need to learn it.” – Rainer Maria Rilke

I came across this quote yesterday morning and it immediately spoke to me. I posted this quote to my status as quick as I could before work, hoping that I could apply it to my life and like Nike, "Just Do It". I should say this now... I may be all over the place in this post, but its best that I get these thoughts out immediately. Lately, I've been going through some difficult times, and I title these times: Being in Love with the Past. Have you ever been in love with yours? Your heart in mind are stuck in the place and time when you thought you were most happy. You wake up in the present day just wishing you could wake up to the way things used to be. That's how I was...Hell... I still do. Being in love is a wonderful thing, but who and what you fall in love with is what makes things a little complicated. I wasn't sure what the reason was for me wanting to be with my past love so bad until now. First off, It was my first love. The first one to tell me they loved me that wasn't family or friends. The first who showed me in so many ways that they loved me. Phone conversations, gifts, just a simple I love you and I miss you. He was mine and I was his. I can't say how many times I've just sat in my room and cried because all I wanted was that again, but time moves on and so do hearts. His had moved on. I didn't want to believe that though. I kept telling myself, "Maybe I still have a chance, Maybe He'll want me again." I was wrong... Once I realized this, i became angry at myself. I was angry at the fact that I could have done so many things different in the past that may have changed the reality of things now. I was angry with myself for still feeling the way I felt about him. I wanted to turn my feelings and emotions off. I wanted to feel no sadness...No pain in my heart... No loneliness. I was embarrassed to even talk to him on the phone or say anything directly to his face because I felt weak and vulnerable. So I hid behind the smiles and laughs, so that no one could get in...

I was more embarrassed because I couldn't be honest with him on how I felt... I didn't want to be a bother to him. A negative energy. A downer. Many sleepless nights... All I would do is lay back and wonder "Why can't it be me to make him happy?" "Why can't it be like it used to be?" ... My answer came directly from him... He had found love again... He had Joy in his heart and spirit once again... I will never forget the feeling I immediately felt... My heart fell to my feet and I got butterflies in my stomach... "How do I react to this?" is what I thought... Its still hard to swallow, but I'm happy for him... He found love again... He deserves it very much... Ask for me.... I'm alright. It still hurts...I'm not gonna lie... But its making me do something I'm still terrified of doing.... Letting go. I just hope one day I will experience the joy of being in love again.. Just not being in love with my past... I will have sleepless nights, I will cry myself to sleep, but its all a part of the process of letting go and moving forward.

"What's Wrong Recee?"

I've been asked this question so many times, and my response was always the same to EVERYONE...Nothing. Well ladies and gentlemen, I have finally broken. "Nothing" is not the answer you are gonna get from me. Everything seems to be wrong with me, and it has been like this for a long time. I'm mentally, physically, and emotionally tired. I have tried so hard to hide how I feel from everyone. Tried to hide it behind every smile, laugh, and moments of silence. I am far from happy with how my life is right now. I've heard the saying happiness is a choice, in my case its not... I have gone to bed so many nights sick to my stomach because my feelings are all over the place... I'm lonely even in a room full of people. I have restless nights because I feel so unfulfilled with the progress I made in a single day. I'm deeply frustrated with myself because I can't express myself to people like I should. I find myself envious of those close to me who are in loving relationships, and makes me question my self worth. "Whats wrong with me?" is the question that I ask myself everyday. I still regret decisions I made in the past because I thought I wasn't good enough. I become upset with myself because when I have the opportunity to express my feelings to people, I hold it in out of fear of being embarrassed and losing them in my life. Even as I type this post I feel the need to hold back out of fear of people reading this and looking at me in a negative light.

I just want to do well in life, and I feel like I'm at a stand still. I'm 23 years old and still living with my mom. I work and come home... and repeat. I feel like I'm going to be by myself for a long time because I can't move on from my first and pretty much only relationship. I'm frustrated because it feels like I was easily gotten over, and here I am still thinking about them and wanting to be with them. Its like "Damn recee, get over it!!" But I can't. They are my friend and the last thing I want is to do is lose them as my friend because I can't get it together. I don't have many people I can call my close friends, so to lose one would devastate me. I have people who I consider my close friends who I barely talk to anymore because I feel like a bother to them...So I just seclude myself so that I don't become one.

I just want to be happy, but I honestly don't know what to do anymore to make that happen. I don't expect anyone to understand what it is I am going through. I don't want people to pity me. I just need everyone to know that I am trying my best to do what is best for me, and right now I'm just at a place where I have no idea what to do. I had to vent some of these feelings out.

Long time, No post...

Hey hey everyone. Its been quite a while hasn't it? Well I've been working on my latest project... Me. LOL. Seriously though, I've been busy as of late. I figured a lot of things out over the past few weeks. I was able to gain closure in a chapter in my life, and as much as I was afraid and hurt in closing it, I can honestly say I'm okay with it and ready to make new moves. SO thats exactly what I have been doing. I really sat down and figured out what I want out of my life right now, and there is surprisingly so many things I want to do. I want to sing, of course, but what a lot of people don't know is that I secretly want to experience the world of Modeling. I look in vibe magazine and other urban magazines and see ads for Sean John, RocaWear, Coogi, and other urban clothing lines, and I've always wanted to be one of the handsome men in the ads. So what did I do? I got a manager(Shout out to I'm It Model and Talent Management!!!). I'm working on my music, and working on becoming a model also. I don't see why I can't. The weight can be lost and I don't look half bad. Actually, I've been told I am handsome. I never really believed that, but I'm becoming more and more fond of myself and starting to believe what others seem to believe. I think I'm falling in love with the person I should have been in love with...MYSELF. I came up with the saying for when I'm feeling down about love, "Its better to be found, than to search". I truly believe this statement, I was so worried about finding love, but when I sat down and thought about it, I know I'm a good man and someone will find me, and if not, oh well I still I got Me. :-) Until then, Its all about me. Its time to do better for myself. Not saying I won't care for others, but I can't care for someone before myself anymore. I've tried it and it doesn't work. There's places I want to be and in order for me to get there I need to work on me and mine. With all this being said, Don't get this twisted, I'm not becoming conceited, just more confident in my abilities and myself. I hope all that read my blog will support my future en devours. I will keep you all posted on the new journeys I am embarking on. Peace, Love, And Soul Food Ya'll!!

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Songs of the Week

Hey hey everyone... New week, new batch of songs...

1. Sunshine - Coko

2. Hot Toddy - Usher featuring Ester Dean and Jay-Z

3. Love is Such a Crazy Thing - P!NK

4. Cold War - Janelle Monae

5. Loving You No More - Diddy-Dirty Money Featuring Drake

Well that concludes this weeks songs of the week. Peace, Love, and Soul Food :-)

Breaking Through

Have you ever felt like you would just die if a certain situation didn't go the way you planned? All of your emotions just wrapped up in that one thing. Then it comes to be that it doesn't go the way you planned. For a few moments, being in days, hours, minutes, you don't know what to do with yourself. You become depressed, regretful, angry with yourself, and introverted. You have all these thoughts on why it didn't go your way... What did you say, What didn't you say, What could have you said or did to change the outcome...This happened to me, but you know what? I had a breakthrough. Everything that was said and done was supposed to happen, and I realized life goes on and things you want don't always happen when you want them to. You just have to pick yourself up and move on to your next en devour.

You may not be able to completely let go of the situation that had you at your lowest, but it will show you that you are a strong person. I can't keep dwelling on something I have no control over... As much as I want some control on the outcome, I know I did all I could have done and I can honestly say that I'm happy with that. I'm not sure what to expect in the future, but I do know I accept it with open arms. What will be, will be. I'm excited for it. I know I will be better than I am right now physically, mentally, emotionally, Hopefully Financially(LOL). This man is becoming so much more, ya'll. This man is breaking through.

:-) Peace, Love, and Soul Food.

Songs of the Week

1. I Hate Love - Jojo

Me too, jojo... Me too.

2. You Were Always on My Mind - Fantasia

Says everything I can't.

3. Scared of Lonely - Beyonce

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In a Place...

What do you do when you feel like you are in a place where a clear decision can not be made or a place where you have no idea what your next move can be made? Well that's the place I'm at right now. There are so many options that are being presented to me, but I have no idea which path I will take. I feel like so many things are tugging at my heart, my mind, and my body all at the same time and its putting me in a place that I don't want to be. I once heard that when you have to go to someone for advice you've already made your decision, you just are looking for validation of your choice... I haven't gone to anyone for advice, because my decisions haven't been made... I want to take a chance and move out of state to start a new life, but I feel obligated to stay here in Minnesota to help my family. I want to move to Chicago, but I keep questioning if it will be the best decision for me... I don't want to leave and end up coming back... There is one reason I would like to move there, that most would say is crazy, but that is NOT the ONLY reason of me wanting to move. I just feel like Minnesota is inconsistent with the things I want to do and have, but I'm so used to the environment here. I'm so "comfortable" with everything here. A part of me does not want to leave because of the person in me that wants to take care and fix everything here in Minnesota... I know I can't fix everything and I'm no superman. I can't save everybody, hell I barely can save myself from certain things. I'm 23 years old and I guess this is just a point in my life where I want so much for myself that I don't know where to start. But I guess this is also a point where I need to start making decisions and sticking with them... Learning from them... Applying the lessons from each mistake and triumph and applying them to the next phase of my life accordingly. I know this post is a bit everywhere, but in the place my mind, body, and heart is at I can't help but to be everywhere. I'll figure it out soon though. :-) Peace, Love, And Soul Food ya'll.

No Day, But Today...

So this past weekend has been somewhat of a roller coaster ride, but I have learned to live my life for today because life is not promised tomorrow. I have always been the type to hold in my feelings out of fear of being hurt, misunderstood, and embarrassed Especially when it comes to being in love. But I got over tryin to hold in my feelings because it was doing nothing but making sick, irritated, confused, and tired. So after expressing How I felt to someone I care deeply for recently, I feel like a burden has been lifted from my shoulders. I'm still unsure of what is supposed to happen now that I've expressed my true feelings to the person, but I feel much better knowing that I let them know. I found out that one of my cousin's committed suicide last week. The crazy part about it is that I had no idea she was family. It just made me realize that we can leave this world at the drop of a dime, and that you should express your feelings for those you care for as often as possible. Let them know how appreciative you are to have them in your life. Even if you are afraid of the results to come after, speak your mind. Maybe your words can help someone who is in need. It could possibly save a life. It can inspire...It can reassure...It can make someone smile... It can cause change...It can make you and someone else feel special. Love should never be feared, but embraced. Don't be afraid to love someone with all of yourself...Its natural...Don't hold it in... Let it out. It can only elevate you to a place of happiness. Peace, Love, and Soul Food ya'll, until next post.

Songs of the Week

Here are my songs for the week people.

1. SoBeautiful - Musiq Soulchild

2. Far Away - Kindred the Family Soul

3. Come See Me - Jill Scott

4. Good to Me - LeToya

There ya go people. My songs of the week. Peace, Love and Soul Food.

The Best I Ever Had

Its very rare for us to come across people in our lives that become what we would consider our best friend/brother/sister etc... You spend so much time with these people or this person you are able to just feed off each others energy. You know when something is wrong without them even saying anything. You know how to make them smile. You know how to push their buttons. Now myself, I have what some would call a lot of associates, but I only have a few I call my best/close friends. It doesn't matter how long or how far away we are from each other, we will always be friends... I don't care what anyone says You can't just stop being friends with someone. Especially when you are SO close. Someone you share so much with and like that the friendship is over? I don't think so... If you both cared enough for each other you would reach out and figure it out. Put the ego and pride aside and remember why you became friends in the first place. Of course you will have your disagreements, but I honestly believe once you find your best friends there is no ending the friendship. There will always be that bond between you two. It can't be denied. Now don't get me wrong, I know what its like to need a break from the people you are around all the time. We all need that, but it doesn't mean that you aren't besties anymore. Life is too short to be mad and negative. Because you know what when you spend all that energy being mad and negative, you will miss out on some special moments that could've been shared.

Truth Is...

Truth is...

I think too much.

I procrastinate.

I fall quickly and hard.

I am Loyal to those I care for even if the loyalty isn't returned.

I am a big kid. lol.

I can be a real asshole.

I am sarcastic

I sometimes live in the past...

I want things to change...

I love to be in love...

I want to be in love again...

I'm scared...

I can't find the words

I know I should move on, but really I can't.

I have so much more to say, but I keep it inside.

Truth Is...

My Songs of the Week...

Hey hey Ladies and Gents... Another set of songs that I'm feeling and/or are stuck in my head for some reason...

1. Closer- Corinne Bailey Rae

A close friend and fellow blogger put me on to this song. Its now stuck in my head. LOL. Nevertheless, a very good song.

2. One In a Lifetime- Monica

This song, for me, speaks so much truth.

3. Take It Off- Ke$ha

This song just makes me wanna dance... Not caring who is watching.

4. Butterflies- Floetry

This Song...Because I still get them...

There are my songs of the week. Peace, Love, and Soul Food.

My Songs of the Week...

Hey hey good people... Thought I give you my songs of the week...

1. Hello Good Morning(Remix) - Diddy-Dirty Money Featuring Rick Ross and Nicki Minaj

Absolutely in Love with this song, Especially Nicki's verse.

2. You Want This - Janet Jackson Featuring MC Lyte

Classic... Love the video, especially Janet's "I'm the Shit" attitude.

3. Take It From Here - Justin Timberlake

Because We all want to take the burden of stress off someone you really care for or You want someone to do the same for you. The lyrics in this song are absolutely Beautiful. :-)

Well there you have it people. My songs of the week. Peace, Love, And Soul Food.

Life Lesson... Stress...

Here is Something that I hope to one day really take into action... Its harder than one may think but I know someone out there will be able to use this information...

Stress

A lecturer when explaining stress management to an audience,
Raised a glass of water and asked;
'How heavy is this glass of water?'

Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.

The lecturer replied, 'The absolute weight doesn't matter.
It depends on how long you try to hold it.
If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem.
If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.
If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance.
In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes.'

He continued,
'And that's the way it is with stress management.
If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later,
As the burden becomes increasingly heavy,
We won't be able to carry on. '

'As with the glass of water,
You have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again.
When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden.'
'So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down. Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow.

Whatever burdens you're carrying now,
Let them down for a moment if you can.'
So, my friend, Put down anything that may be a burden to you right now. Don't pick it up again until after you've rested a while.

Here are some great ways of dealing with the burdens of life:

* Accept that some days you're the pigeon,
And some days you're the statue.

* Always keep your words soft and sweet,
Just in case you have to eat them.

* Always wear stuff that will make you look good
If you die in the middle of it.

* Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be
"Recalled" by their maker.

* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again,
It was probably worth it.
* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to be kind to others.

* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time,
Because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

* Nobody cares if you can't dance well.
Just get up and dance.

* When everything's coming your way,
You're in the wrong lane.

* Birthdays are good for you.
The more you have, the longer you live.

* You may be only one person in the world,
But you may also be the world to one person.

* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

* We could learn a lot from crayons... Some are sharp, some are pretty and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

*A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery
On a detour.

Songs of My Day

Has anyone ever felt this way... Well welcome to my feelings right now.

"What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?

What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and your okay?

I'm falling to pieces"

Break Even - The Script

"Why don't you love me, Tell me baby why don't you love me, When I make me so Damn easy to love?

Why Don't you need me?

Tell me Baby why don't you need me, when I make me so DAMN is easy to need?"

Why Don't You Love Me - Beyonce

A poem that spoke to me...

This Poem really spoke to me... Cause its nothing but the truth... No body can make it out here alone...ALONE

Lying, thinking
Last night
How to find my soul a home
Where water is not thirsty
And bread loaf is not stone
I came up with one thing
And I don't believe I'm wrong
That nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.

There are some millionaires
With money they can't use
Their wives run round like banshees
Their children sing the blues
They've got expensive doctors
To cure their hearts of stone.
But nobody
No, nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Now if you listen closely
I'll tell you what I know
Storm clouds are gathering
The wind is gonna blow
The race of man is suffering
And I can hear the moan,
'Cause nobody,
But nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Alone, all alone
Nobody, but nobody
Can make it out here alone.

Maya Angelou

Self Conversation: Session 1

Why are you looking at me? Did

You lose something?

No... I'm just trying to figure out why you are the way you are.

I've seen the way you have been these last 23 years, and I'm still puzzled as to who you are. Like Now, you as a 23 year old man are never sure of yourself. Why?

I feel I have no reason to be sure of myself. When I was younger my dad left me and my family for reasons unknown. I wasn't sure what exactly I should have done. So I did what I thought would be best... Take the role of not only big brother, but as father figure. Funny... A six year old trying to take on so much responsibility. Childhood was on the back burner. Cooking, Cleaning, Babysitting, and just helping my mom out were the priorities.

What does that have to do with the question?

Well, I have never been sure if I have been good enough. I mean, my family wasn't good enough for my dad to stay. So he left. Leaving me to figure things out for myself. Leaving me UNSURE of what a dad is supposed to teach his children. He left me UNSURE of what things I should know now as a man. One thing he left instilled in me is to be UNSURE, and it has affected me in every aspect of my life thus far.

Oh okay...I see. Well when I look at you, I see someone who is so introverted. Why is that?

I've always have been that way. I don't like to let people in. I just don't. I feel like it makes me less than what I am. I always feel like in some way it will be used against me. To make me look dumb as hell in the future. I find it more safer to just keep what I feel inside. No confrontation, No yelling, No bad attitudes. Everyone will just be happy.

But wait, how is everyone happy if you don't say how you feel? Doesn't that make you unhappy?

In a sense it does, but I've always been the type to care more about others around me and how they feel rather than me and mines. So I learned to just shut it down and smile if everyone else gets their way. I like for everyone to be pleased, even if its at the cost of my own opinions. Kinda backwards, huh? I know.

Well that's probably not the most healthy thing to do. You need to be selfish.

Ya know... I did that a couple times. I first really was selfish when I was about 16 or 17. My mom had a boyfriend who I absolutely despised. I was an over protective son, i guess. But me being selfish, I did everything to try to get my mom to leave this guy alone. I was selfish about my family, especially my mom. They were mine and he couldn't have them unless I said so. I was so selfish to my mom and what she wanted, and it put a strain on our relationship. I became distant from my family because I hated this man and the bond him and my mom had. It brought me back to when my mom and dad had a bond like that. I wanted that for them again deep down, but I knew this would NEVER happen.

Wow... Didn't know you went through that dude... That doesn't mean you can't be selfish sometimes though.

Well I'm not finished... It was late summer 2007. I was twenty and the first one I fell in love with was 23. He was the best thing to ever happen to me. Yes...I said he, that's another subject in itself... But yeah, I had fallen head over heels for him and he for me. It was the best feeling in the entire world. I was on cloud nine. We were able to be physically together for about 2 months, then he had to leave. The day he left, my selfishness very slowly came into play, and not in the way you think. The days turned into months... During that time things seemed to be going well. The little things he did for me made me happy, but at the same time it made me feel like a horrible boyfriend. Why, you ask? Because I wanted to give him the world and I wasn't able to. So what did I do? I became distant. Little by little. Instead of talking on the phone, I claimed to be hanging with friends. Sometimes I wouldn't even answer the phone. I became introvert. Keeping how I felt about our relationship to myself... I was wrong for it. I was SELFISH with my feelings and time because of my pride. In the end, I ended up losing him... We still are friends, but that almost didn't come to be...

Why?

Well Fast forward late summer 2009... I met someone off the Internet. His name was "Morgan". We hit it off well, at least so I thought. We fell for each other fairly quickly, at least on my end. The first person I told was my first love. Not to brag, but because I wanted his approval. He was my friend and I know he would have my best interest at heart. Well, Morgan decided he wanted to not only disrespect me, but as well as my first love. Me being selfish and dumb, I didn't check Morgan like I should have and my first love ended up cutting me off... Months had past and Morgan and I began having issues. I felt alone. I missed talking to my first love... He ended up coming around and we began speaking again. Him being a good friend, he listened to my issues with my new guy. Not thinking about it, I was being so SELFISH!!! Why was I talking about this guy to someone he disrespected?? Months past, Morgan and I continued to have issues... My first love was advising me to just leave Morgan alone, but I wasn't listening. In the end, he ended up blowing up on me as he had every reason to... Why was I going out the way to save a relationship that clearly wasn't in the condition to go on? Why didn't I put in that effort when I was with him? Why WAS I BEING SO SELFISH?! In the end, My first love was absolutely right about Morgan... When it comes down to it...I was SELFISH towards the wrong person because I was UNSURE of the feelings I was feeling at the time.

Damn Recee... That's a whole lot... I'm not sure what to say about that.

Yeah... So you can see why I'm afraid to be Selfish... You can lose so much. You can strain relationships, hurt people you never meant to hurt. All for your own happiness. That's really wack to me.

Yeah Recee, but that's life sometimes... You have to learn by the mistakes you make. Trial and Error... You seem to have the best interest at heart for those you care for, initially. Why can't you have the same attitude for yourself? Its like you don't think you deserve the best of what is offered in life.

Because that's how I feel sometimes... I feel like I haven't gone through as much as those close to me, therefore they deserve better than me. Plus, I say what a lot of people probably think about me anyway.

Recee, you sound ridiculous... That's your low self esteem talking...

...Maybe you are right...

You are a great person... Yes you are flawed but so is everyone else... I've seen you light up when you sing, when you dance, when you are able to make someone smile. and you need to focus on that...

Yeah, I know... It just becomes hard at times.

Yeah that's true, but that's no excuse to just give up... Now my next question for you is why is it you keep living in your past? How are you supposed to experience new people, places, and lessons in life if you keep wanting to re-live things in your past?

That's a good question... I just feel there are somethings in my past that I feel can be corrected in my present and future. There are situations in my past that I felt I wasn't mature enough to deal with at the time and now that I have grown and matured I know I can handle the situations better than before. That's not just when it comes to love, but everyday life.

Yeah everyday life is right, but I know you are talking about love... Don't bullshit me. I know you. LOL. If your past happens to become your future, that's good, but if that isn't the next phase in your life please don't try to force it. Don't become depressed about it either. You just have to know its not the time in your life for that type of relationship with that person again. You are gonna mess around and miss someone great if you keep yourself stuck in the past. You can't keep showing interest in someone who isn't returning the interest, as harsh as that sounds, its true. You'll end up pushing them farther and farther away, and I'm sure you don't want that, especially if they are a good friend. Focus on you during this time of being single...

Ugh...and there goes that saying... Focus on me... I get tired of hearing that... My question to that is this.. How do you focus on yourself when you feel like you aren't yourself without that person? Its like you have to ignore that missing part in yourself in order to be happy... I don't see how that makes sense, But I see what you mean by pushing the person away... I don't want that at all. That's why I just keep how I feel to myself because I want them in my life and don't want to make them uncomfortable...

Yeah, but if you don't tell them how you feel, they will never know whats going on. Now would not be the time to be selfish to yourself. Things like that shouldn't be held in. Its not healthy. Honestly, it'll end up dragging into your next relationship, whenever that may be. Its clear that you still have somethings to deal with, and you will. In that process, you will become an even greater Man, Brother, Son, Friend, and Boyfriend. Just a better Maurice. This isn't the last conversation we will have, there will be plenty more, okay? Lets make it a regular thing. We need to get to know each other more.

I agree. We Do.